The names emphasise different aspects of the sacrament. Penance refers to our repentance, sorrow and resolution to amend our life with God’s help. Confession refers to the act by which we tell our sins to the priest. Reconciliation refers to the goal of the celebration by which the sinner is reconciled to God and the Church. The ritual for the sacrament is called the Rite of Penance, but is fitting to refer to it with any of these titles. In fact, the Catechism refers to it also as “the Sacrament of Conversion” and the “Sacrament of Forgiveness.”

Confession may be one of the most difficult parts of our faith for some. But for others, Confession is something they deeply look forward to. First of all, it’s absolutely true that “God knows everything.” He knows everything you’ve done and He knows whether you are sorry for that or not. But there is a big difference between God ‘knowing’ what you did and His act of forgiveness.

For example, if you sinned against a friend with whom you were very close and then you felt sorry for that it’s possible that your friend would realize, just by knowing you, that you were truly sorry. But that doesn’t mean that you can just presume on your friend’s goodness and forgiveness. The best thing to do, in this situation, is to actually sit down and tell your friend you are sorry and to have your friend tell you that you are forgiven. This very human exchange brings about reconciliation.

So it is with God. God is all merciful and wants to forgive us all our sins. But for true reconciliation to take place God wants you to actually say those words and then to hear the words, spoken by the priest, that you are forgiven. So Confession is not only about God forgiving us, it is also about reconciliation with God on a human level.

What’s important to understand is that God offers us forgiveness in His way. He forgives us through a human being. Who is that human being? It’s the Father’s Son who became one of us. Jesus is the one who offers the forgiveness of God and Jesus is both fully God and human. But how does Jesus do that now that He has ascended back into Heaven? Well, before He ascended He gave His divine power of forgiveness to His first priests, the apostles. They, in turn, passed that power onto others who passed it on to others down through the ages all the way to our present age. Priests, despite the fact that they are imperfect themselves, have the spiritual power of Jesus to actually speak His words of forgiveness to others. Therefore, when a priest says “I absolve you” we must hear Jesus Himself, as the human face of God, saying to us those same words.

Sin is an offense against God that ruptures our communion with Him and with His Church.  It is far more than “breaking the rules,” but is a failure to love God and to love others, which causes real damage in all our relationships. There are sins totally incompatible with love for God and others (mortal sins, in which genuine love is “dead”), and ones in which love is less grievously wounded (venial or “easily forgiven”).

What if I haven’t been to the sacrament for many years? How do I prepare? What do I say?

First, don’t be afraid. Jesus said, “Heaven rejoices more for one repentant sinner than for 99 righteous persons who never needed to repent.” The priest will probably be so happy you’ve returned to confession after many years that you will make all the hours he spends in the confessional seem light. Second, try to prepare with the help of a good examination of conscience, but the priest will know that you cannot remember your sins with the precision of someone who came the previous week. Third, get the largest sins off of your chest first. Fourth, don’t be afraid to ask the priest for help; most confessors are experts in leading someone in your circumstances through an examination of the “big stuff” in the confessional. Finally, don’t wait. Come back to be reconciled to your loving Father, set off the celebration in heaven, and share your Father’s joy!

The sacrament consists of three actions on the part of the penitent: contrition, which is sorrow for one’s sins; confession, that is examining one’s conscience and telling one’s sins to the priest; and penance, namely a desire to make up for one’s sins and amend one’s life. Together the three are called the “acts of the penitent.”

Confession is not meant to be a memory test. It is good when Catholics have memorised one of the many beautiful acts of contrition, which sum up all of the sentiments and resolutions a Catholic should have in coming to confession. But if you do not know an Act of Contrition by memory, you can always express your sorrow and firm purpose of amendment in your own words, ask the priest to help you, or pray, “Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner who loves you!”

The Church recommends that Catholics receive the Sacrament of Penance frequently. Strictly speaking, after they’ve reached the age of reason, Catholics are obliged to confess their serious sins at least once a year. Catholics should come to confession as soon as possible after they’ve committed a mortal sin. If they’re seeking to grow in holiness, the regular practice of confession at least once a month is commended.

Honestly, we really don’t have a perfect answer to that question. There have been wonderful writings and reflections and teachings on this subject throughout the history of the Church. But, in the end, we will only fully understand this mystery of how God gives us His forgiveness when we are in Heaven. For now, we must simply follow what Jesus taught and receive His forgiveness in the way we know He offers it. On a psychological level, many people benefit from actually hearing those words spoken from the mouth of another – the priest. Many times people go into the confessional scared and ashamed and walk out freed and at peace. It really works.